Love Is Attention
A personal love letter. Click here to read.
For two years, I have loved you with more deepness and ferocity than I even knew my heart was capable of. I love and cherish every moment that I got to experience you.
Yet, in the two years we shared together, you said that I never tried to understand you. In all my years, that has been my biggest regret. Despite how completely and unconditionally I cared for you, I did not make you feel my love. You said that I never tried to see you.
I hope that you can see that I see you, that I truly see you for who you are. I don't just see you for the white, ripped jeans you love to wear, the music you love to play in your living room, or the black, green and yellow beaded necklace I got you from Jamaica that you never take off from around your neck. I don't just love you as the man I met in my favorite neighborhood in Harlem, nor do I love you as just a simple part of my college years in New York.
I love you for your unforgivingly open and kind heart. I love your quiet and thoughtful mind. I love you for the incredible father you are to your two daughters. I love you for the pain I see behind your eyes when you start to talk about your mother and father. I love you for the way you love your home, the way your eyes light up when you tell me stories of growing up in the hot, tropical forests. I love you for the way you laugh, loudly and freely, when you're with your cousins and friends.
I love you so much, and I took you for granted.
I love that no matter the physical or emotional pain you've endured, or the amount of people you've loved that you've lost — you never lose hope. I love you for serving others through your cooking; the passion and heart you put into every Caribbean meal you make. I love how overly conscientious you are about keeping a clean apartment. I love how you smile when we watch old comedies. When we were together and used to walk around New York, I loved how you would put your arms around me and pull me up to your fast pace, almost running as if we were racing back to our apartment on West 141st Street. I love you so much, and I took you for granted.
Love is attention, and I'm sorry if you ever felt like you didn't have mine. I will spend the rest of my life and future relationships making sure that my partners feel seen and heard. You gave me that lesson. You changed me forever.
Kimani, a part of me will always love a part of you. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known. You deserve to be celebrated and seen every day.
Published in I Am Zine. Click here to read.
Illustrated by Natalie Johnson, as part of her Black Love Letters project